all i have to do is dream

"whenever i want to, all i have to do is dream."

i cant wait till my life starts. when will it? i wonder how long it will take. i just want to take in all the beauty of the world in one big gulp. the minute i have my car, my license, and im 18, im going to gather the few i love with every molecule of my body and take them far away from anything we know. i want to learn the deepest about them. the things i have yet to learn. but i think this might cause me to let down the guards i have up and break down the walls. i want the world to every extent that its absurd. i want to experience all in all states of mind. sober, tired, hyper, sad, confused, high, drunk, nostalgic. all to make me think. and i want to find myself there in the confusion of being unfamilair with every inch of a new city. i want my car to break down in the middle of a town ive never heard of so i can try to find my way with no pre planning of any sort. i want the perfect songs to play at just the right moment. i want things i didnt know to be revealed at the most inconvenient times. i want to be so uncomfortable that i have to just let it go and learn. and i want to be able to look at it all and think what the fuck am i doing. and i want it to bring me close to them. so close that nothing can break me apart from them. no matter what happens. i dont want a new life to approach then without me ready for it. i want so much in such a little time. im tired of searching for something to fill my hole. i just want what i have to never leave me. i dont want to be reduced to half of a whole. i want there to be one of the eighths, fifths, 24ths and such. i want to be surrounded with the people that make me feel every different feeling and that push me to something new, and that will walk beside me, and the ones i will come back for. maybe writing this is just wasting that i could be spending planning the rest of my life. i dont even know anymore